A great illustration of this principle is the orange story.  I think I first heard this through a Stephen Covey seminar based on his classic book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  Of course, looking for the “win-win” is one of Covey’s fundamental principles.  The orange story goes something like this:

Two people; one orange.  An apparent impasse until one asked the other why they wanted the orange.  The first person wanted the orange to eat. But the second person only wanted the peel; they needed orange zest for a recipe.

Once they took the time to listen and understand the other’s objectives they found one orange could meet both of their needs.

Notice this isn’t a compromise.  That would be 1 – ½ = ½. In the orange story, nobody gave anything up!  Both received 100% of what they wanted.  The key is, they needed to discover what the other wanted and be willing to consider a new way of thinking.

Leaders often use others to get what they want. But people usually follow leaders whom they trust and who act according to their best interests. I believe that the most effective leaders learn how to pursue their own agendas mindful of the interests of others, always looking for the win-win.

What About You?

1. Can you think of an example of a leader who considered your well-being?  How did that impact your motivation?
2. When have you been a more effective leader by looking for the win-win?

Leave a reply and tell your story.

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Then I started to recount the day: Up at 5:30, catch the 6:15 into downtown, then the skyway, the coffee shop, the guard’s desk, the elevator, three meetings, countless trips to the print room, reception area, etc. I must have encountered hundreds of people – some of whom I consider good friends.

WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME?

Can you relate? Maybe for you it was a forgotten earring, mismatched shoes or something unzipped. If not (liar), surely you’ve seen one of us. Why are we so afraid to speak up? I know, to save the person embarrassment, right? At that moment, I wished someone had “embarrassed” me a few hundred people earlier!

I think there is a less benevolent reason: we fear the negative consequences for ourselves. Who wants their boss to remember them as the one who pointed out the spinach dip between their teeth?

But as leaders, we need to dig deeper. If my colleague won’t tell me my shirt is undone, she probably won’t tell me when my idea stinks.

How do we create an environment where people are willing to take a risk to save us embarrassment?

Or more importantly: to contribute wholly to the success of this organization.

I think fostering an atmosphere of grace is a good place to start. By reducing the negative consequences of speaking up, we encourage more candid contributions.

And who knows, maybe the entire organization will become more “buttoned up.”

-Jeffrey Lundberg

What About You?

1. Do you have an “unbuttoned” experience you’d be willing to share?
2. How have you seen good leaders create an atmosphere of grace?